Today

Alex: "I'm a little hurt that you aren't fighting to keep me around like you did with your past boyfriends."
Me: "Well, I've never loved anyone enough to let them go before."

Today went the best it realistically could have.

I'm happy, I haven't cried since I saw him. The truth is, if he tried to have fixed things today, I would have questioned his emotionally stability. That just isn't Alex. He's logical and calm, no matter how much he misses me he'll stick to his guns, and thats what makes him a man. Today further proved that he isn't one of the boys I'm used to dating. He loves and respects me, he won't put me on a roller coaster (however much I secretly hope he would just so I can be with him right now.) Either way, I hope that he stops sticking to those guns sooner in the realm of possibility rather than later. A month sound amazing right about now (won't happen, a girl can dream.)

I need to learn patience. He told me he was proud of how positive I was being. Its very easy to be positive when 1. you're wearing bright yellow (color therapy anyone?) and 2. you get to see the person you love's face weeks before you originally thought you could. That was enough to appease me. Which is surprising. Just seeing someone has never been enough for me before.

Alex never gets sick. No matter what crazy contagious bug I bring around he'll get a mild form of it thats gone in a day, at best. Well you know how stress lowers your immune system? Well somehow he managed to contract Bronchitis in the few days we've been broken up. He also looked awful. I wish I could take care of him, but it was slightly comforting that he's right there with me on the so-heartbroken-its-making-me-sick mobile.

I think thats what we both learned today. I figured out that he misses me as much as I miss him, and he figured out that I agree, we both need to figure out our own situations. It has always terrified me that he could potentially be "the one." I'm just not the marriage type. The fact is, if I even want to consider that type of future with him, I want us both to be 100% sure that this is what we want, no questions asked. If we need to go through a break to figure that out, than thats what we have to do. And if we don't get back together, well, it might not feel like it at the time, but its for the best.

Now that I'm more confident in the potential for this to work out in the future (although I have no idea if its going to take a month of a year *gulp*) I need to be strong. He asked me to just be strong for him, and I promised him I would. Here's to keeping promises. Step #1: not contacting him on Valentine's Day.

I mean, this should be easy, why would I want to remind him how terrible both of us should feel tomorrow? I know my crazy brain will find some sort of twisted justification, so here's hoping that I fight back the raging emotional beast inside.

On a side note: Target is awesome for shop therapy. I got so many pretty things and my bank account doesn't hurt too much. Huzzah! Although, I've been begging their lingerie brand Gilligan and O'Malley to come out with an Aqua nightie. Guess what they had today? UGH. I bought it anyways. I might as well feel pretty when I sleep alone =P Although next they are going to have aqua colored boyshorts. Boyshorts are Alex's favorite. Sigh.

He kissed me so sweetly. He wasn't sexual or suggestive like other exes have been during post-breakup rendez-vous. I love so much how he strokes my cheekbone with his thumb and kisses my hair. I love the taste of his lips. I don't know when I'll see him again.

If you ever read this, I miss you, even hours after seeing you. Keep smiling, love.