Progress Report

   I'm back home, no longer in my over-crowded college town. I drove home in the middle of the night. No matter how many times I washed my sheets they still smell like him. I just needed my dad.
   Ever feel like you just want to disappear for awhile? Well in an attempt to focus more on myself (at least for these first couple of weeks) I have deactivated my facebook. I'm generally a social-networking junkie, so we'll see how this goes. I just can't handle on the memories on there right now, or seeing my friends talk about how they need to "kick his ass." He isn't a bad guy. He didn't do anything wrong. I just don't want to see those things right now.
   After that, I spoke with a counselor to figure things out. To anyone who is afraid of counseling, don't be. You need to realize that other people don't react to things the same way you do. We all think differently. We all find different methods to be the best solution. A counselor can really help you understand things from other's points of view.
   After I spoke with the counselor, I spoke with Alex. He went out with his roommates last night and had a really good time. I think he needed that, as in a day he went from "I don't know when we'll see each other again" to "okay, we can meet up tomorrow."
    So, as of now, I'm seeing him tomorrow. Terrifying? Yes. But him and I actually laughed and joked around this morning. He confirmed that he misses the girl I used to be, the sometimes frustratingly independent girl I was. There are many reasons I'm not that person right now, but the main one is due to some trauma I experienced over Christmas break. A lot of my friends try to argue that it doesn't matter if I was depressed, thats when he really should be there for me. But, we aren't married, a relationship isn't entirely about saving the other person all the time. Wouldn't you expect those same friends to tell me to leave him if he was making me unhappy? Yes. So, I don't blame him.
   I don't expect us to fix things tomorrow. They say miracles happen but he's incredibly stubborn when he wants to be. To be honest, if he needs this time I want to give it to him. I probably need it just as badly as he does. I'm telling myself I won't try to push him tomorrow. Honestly, I've been so much more calm just knowing that in less than 24 hours I'll get to see his face.
   And, he promised me a hug. For now, thats really all I need.